A note for my sweet Abbi baby

2.19.2010

Just so you know, this blog is all about you, baby.

First I want you to know how badly you were wanted. Your daddy and I talked about you and tried for you for almost 2 years. It was hard because he is in the Army and at the time was always training for weeks and even months at a time. I wanted you more than I needed air. I have always felt like being a mommy is what I was meant to do when I got older. Most people have dreams and goals of unrealistic occupations as they grow up, not me. Plain and simple I wanted to be a mother. I do want you to be proud of me. I had goals.. you and any future brothers or sisters are my goals. After trying for you for such a long time we felt that maybe it was not in Gods plan for you to be apart of us just yet. We decided to give it a break and while your dad was deployed in Iraq we decided that he should re-enlist to get stationed in Germany! We were very excited about starting a new life in a different place. 6 months later he came home and we were having the time of our lives. Being with friends and visiting with family. Never occurred to us that I might be expecting. Looking back, I felt different. No other way to explain it.. just different. I was convinced to take a pregnancy test (by Aunt Candice and your dad) and as I was about to throw it in the trash the 2 lines had already popped up! I couldn't believe it! I was FINALLY going to be a mommy! We immediately got out of the orders to go over seas because I could NOT be that far from friends and family. I wanted to share my joy with everyone.

Being pregnant with you was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I loved it. Everyone thought I was crazy but even through all of the morning (afternoon, night time, breakfast, and dinner) sickness I LOVED having you grow inside of me. I was so aware of everything that went on while carrying you. I felt you move at exactly 12 weeks and I melted. I was so relieved that you were active so early because then I could breath. I knew this was the real deal. I couldn't wait to get a big round belly so that everyone would know that I was pregnant. Even though it's not a big deal around here.. they say if you drink the water here in Killeen then you'll end up pregnant. Sure enough, I got what I wished for. I got HUGE. <3 I have always wanted to go into spontaneous labor. Maybe I'm just weird but I wanted to be walking in the middle of a crowded store and my water break in the middle of tons of strangers. Kinda like they do in cheesy movies. But those plans were not an option, as I had pre eclampsia and was scheduled to be induced 3 weeks before your due date. I remember the date. Feb. 12th, 2010 was the day I was told "in 5 days we're going to put you into labor. We need to get the baby out of you because your kidneys are going to shut down. She seems like a decent size so there's nothing to worry about". Ha. "decent size" is an understatement. I was induced on Wednesday, Feb 17th at 3 pm. I was in labor for almost 2 days and FINALLY on Friday, the 19th at 8:31 am I pushed out the most amazing, beautiful, precious baby I have ever laid eyes on. You were 8 pounds 3 ounces of pure perfection. Chubby cheeks, fat legs, just gorgeous. Perfect perfect perfect.You should know that February 19th, 2010 was the best day of our lives. You should have seen your dad. He was a big ball of mush.. I was exhausted but couldn't wait to hold you. Sadly, I had to wait because you were swept to the NICU and I had to wait until the meds that I was on were all worn off. I didn't get to hold you until you were a few hours old but it was the most surreal feeling ever. I can't explain something like that. It's nature, that's what I'm here for..yet, it is so incredibly hard to grasp the concept. You were in my belly.. and then you were in my arms. Amazing.

Although I was obsessed with being pregnant with you, I was over joyed that you were finally here. Abbigale, you are just what I've been missing. You brought your father and I so close together. Everything we do, it's for you. I can't ever thank God enough for bringing you into my life. You'll never know just how much I love you and how much I anticipated the day I would have such a beautiful daughter. Inside and out, you are precious. So innocent and care-free. You bring so much happiness and joy into my life, it's unbelievable. My heart still skips a beat every time I come to get you in the mornings and you have that gummy smile waiting for me. I love you to the moon and back, times infinity. More than all of the water in the oceans, more than the stars in the sky.. I love you more than all of the love combined. You are my world. Always have been, always will. I know there will be times, when you're older, that I'll want to ship you off. You'll break our hearts, and you will disappoint us at times.. I would be lying if I said otherwise.. But just know that there is nothing in this world that you could do to make me not love you as much as I do today. I dream for the best for you. I just know that God sent me here to love you and protect you from the negative things you might come across so that some day you will grow into an amazing woman. Someday you will find the love of your life, like I found in your daddy and be as blessed as us to create such a miracle, as you are just that. A miracle.